Knowledge is power (10 Feb 2008)

Said someone a long time ago.
So how come that the more I learn and find out, the more insignificant and empty-brained I feel?
The other day I realised something about myself that has actually been there for as long as I can remember... I have to know; I have to be let in on the secret, otherwise it's all I can think about. What I don't know, that is. So what about the things I don't know that I don't know about? And this is where I get confused.

Basically, this all stems from the other night, when I watched a program about The Dead Sea Scrolls- basically a bunch of early Christian scrolls (of the bible etc) found in some caves. found it so interesting... This thing happened- before I was born- and more things are being found out about them, and people dedicate their lives to patching together these tiny pieces of papyrus. Why didn't I know about this before? I don't know...

Like when I did American Poetry & The Visual Arts before- it scared me how much I didn't know about such important people. It scares me of all of these movements and acts by passionate, influential groups and individuals- and how much I haven't done, and don't know.

I want to be an astronaut, a leading physicist, a leading anything, The Pope, a deep sea diver, in the FBI and MI5 all at the same time. I want to know everything about everything. I want to discover galaxies.
I hate that other people know things, and live these lives, that I never will.

But I never will. I'm reading an essay by Baudrillard at the moment about Simulacrums. Before yesterday, I didn't even know what they were, and now I find them fascinating:
The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth- it is the truth which conceals that there is none.

Makes me feel simultaneously clever and stupid.

Me x